


For All We Know

by CrabOfDoom



Series: Breath After Breath [5]
Category: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Amputee, Emotional Trauma, Intersex, M/M, Other, emotional stress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-13 03:56:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11751492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrabOfDoom/pseuds/CrabOfDoom
Summary: Reunited lovers run into the human psyche, literal eternal darkness, and other common pitfalls of romance.





	For All We Know

**Author's Note:**

> Love, look at the two of us, strangers in many ways  
> We've got a lifetime to share, so much to say  
> And as we go from day to day  
> I'll feel you close to me, but time alone will tell  
> Let's take a lifetime to say "I knew you well"  
> For only time will tell us so  
> And love may grow, for all we know.

Sleep proved to be a fitful experience within the battered, pale blue truck. At least half successful, or _only_ half successful? Ravus wasn't sure which he'd consider to be the more accurate take. He was only certain that it was impossible to fully relax, and it had little to do with the comfort of the truck, itself.

Fuel conservation was a paramount concern, until the pair could figure out just where they were and what resources--if any--they might encounter, as they continued south along the road. The annoyance of that sensibility was having to turn the truck off while they parked beneath the first street lamp they'd come to. No heat from the running engine meant no heat to come through the vents. With no back seat behind the cab's well-padded and artificially upholstered bench, their body heat wasn't dissipating as quickly to warm open air as it could have. There didn't seem to be any real danger of succumbing to the cold; it was just so damned uncomfortable.

Sharing body heat by remaining pressed tightly to one another's side, beneath an old but pleasantly thick woven blanket that Safay kept in the truck for the express purpose of occasionally sleeping in it, was also a most sensible necessity. One that soothed Ravus' muscles, as well as his mind. At once, it felt as though not a day had passed since his soldier had slept so closely to him, and also that it had been a lifetime ago since he'd last had the pleasure. Safay's head rested on Ravus' truncated shoulder, his hair brushing against the underside of Ravus' jaw, whenever he stirred.

Which was often. Ravus didn't know whether Safay had always moved so much in his sleep, and he'd just been too content to notice; or if it was due to the less than optimal conditions; or just the stress of their current predicament. Whatever the case, there were nearly regular intervals of a twitch, a flinch, a soft noise, and always just enough to drag Ravus back to consciousness. He doubted that Safay was getting much rest amid his dreams, and that kept the frequent disruptions from becoming an irritation.

Ravus found himself waking from the sound of another quiet whimper beside him. Arms tightening around his middle pried open his eyes. Soft, hitching breaths followed. Then tears and sobbing, that left lightened streaks through the smeared black ichor around his partner's eyes.

"Safay?"

The cries grew until a louder, pained wail forced Ravus to shake Safay's shoulder.

" _Safay!_ " Ravus tried again. "Safay, it's a dream! Wake up!"

Safay's muscles tensed around Ravus as he came to with sharp, deep gasp. The first sight that greeted Safay's eyes was the thick black stripe on a white leather uniform, and the ornate metal darts that formed a curved line along the right side of Ravus' torso. The charcoal metal and vivid purple of familiar leg armor stood out from beneath the blanket's edge. A hand covered in an equally familiar half-glove petted along the sleeve covering Safay's bicep. Safay moved himself to put his ear to the leather-clad chest, searching for and finding a steady, live heartbeat. He seemed to relax then, even as his grip around Ravus tightened all the more.

Another tear trailed down Safay's cheek, although it was a harsh sniffle that gave away that he was crying.

"It's over now, Safay," the soothing voice he heard so often in his dreams told him. It only provoked a few more tears to follow. "Whatever you were seeing, it wasn't real."

"It was you," Safay whispered, fearful that if he spoke of it too loudly, it might suddenly make it true. "I-I found you, dead on the floor. I saw your face..."

"Oh, angel," Ravus sighed, before placing a kiss on the top of his lover's head. "I'm sure it hurt, but you know that's not how it ended; you know that you saved me."

"Not this time." Safay slowly shook his head against Ravus' chest. His voice sounded calm--or perhaps, only still exhausted--but horrified. "Nothing I did made a difference. You were right there, I could still touch you, b-but you were gone."

"I'm here, alive, in your arms, my gem," Ravus pointed out. "Alive because of you. All because you wouldn't give up; _didn't_ give up. You're still frightened of what might've been, and maybe you think it could still be, but it can't. I'm still here."

Safay forced a deep breath in and out, and groggily straightened. He turned to the Oracle, with a want for the reassurance of a soft kiss on long-absent lips.

The soldier screamed. Safay's right leg drew up and shot out, bolt stiff; his foot connected with Ravus' left pectoral, and pinned him to the locked passenger door, while Safay, himself was braced back against the driver's.

"Shit," Ravus grunted through his teeth. The jarring of the impact hurt far more than any point of contact.

"Who are you?"

The Oracle looked across the cab, lit only by the indirect light of the street lamp far above them. Safay's face was no joke, and a picture of barely-controlled panic.

"Safay, it's Ravus," he answered patiently. "We escaped the Keep last night. You grew a wing, to do it. We walked a mile to find this truck, in the snow. You drove until we were past the Niflheim border, just as you said we would, and this roadside was the safest place to stop, to sleep. There's only you and I. It's only me, my gem."

"Prove it." Safay ordered quietly.

"... How...?"

"S-say something only Ravus would know."

Ravus had a mind to roll his eyes and look away, but the reaction never manifested. The fear on Safay's face was too real to treat him as being foolish for feeling it. Ravus heaved a deep sigh, instead. Quietly, he sang part of a song back to his panicked companion. An ancient lullaby, a ballad from antiquity; Ravus was never certain, but despite a mother who cherished her bloodline's history and made certain to share it with her children, Ravus had only ever heard the song from one source. He sang it only for a few seconds, sure that he was mangling words that he didn't understand, just long enough that it could be recognized. And it was. Safay's face drained of all its color.

"You sing when you think I'm asleep," Ravus said. "I usually am, but it wakes me, and I stay still to listen. If you never sing when I'm awake, there must be a reason, so I never want to let on that I hear, and risk embarrassing you. I don't know what language it is. I'm not sure that you do, either."

Across from him, Safay finally blinked. "...Ravus?"

" _Yes_ , my gem," he assured the soldier. "It's only me."

"I'm sorry," Safay whispered. He repeated it over and over, as he pulled his leg away and his shaking hands fumbled to open the glove box, to retrieve a potion.

"Hey," Ravus interrupted, grasping Safay's wrist in his hand. "Stop. You panicked. Nothing's broken. If you'd wanted to, I know you could've put your foot through my chest _and_ the door. You didn't. You were careful. Put the potion back; I'm well enough, and we may need it later." He moved his hand to softly stroke the hair over Safay's temple. "Nothing's broken, Safay. Nothing's broken."

The soldier edged back to lean into the corner where the back of the bench seat met the door. He drew up his knees, rested his elbows against them, and held his hands over his face.

"Why's it got to be hard?" Safay sighed. "I went back to hell, to save you, because I love you. I've done everything I could think of, to make hard travel easier on you, because I love you. I slept literally at your side, to keep you warm, because I love you. And this whole time, you've said that you love me. That you never stopped, no matter how much I believed that you did."

"We're in agreement there, right?" Safay asked, his hands tossing up in exasperation, then dropping into his lap. "We still love each other. I'd still protect you with my life. Now I know that you never came for me, because you thought I was dead. I'm not even mad at you. I never was, really. I hated Iedolas, I hated Accordo, and I hated a woman who was never a real threat. But not you. I wanted you back. I _have_ you back, and you still want me. We're together; it should be like that first week in Galdin, all over again, shouldn't it?"

"Is that what you've been expecting, all this time?" Ravus asked gently.

"I guess," Safay shrugged. "I'd have dreams of opening my door, wherever I was, and you'd just... be there. You'd say you were sorry, I'd feel so relieved that it was all over, and things were like none of it had happened."

"But," Ravus said, "you've had somewhere around two hundred nights of those dreams, haven't you? So many times, your misery was over, only for you to wake up and find your own mind was lying to you again. It's affected you, Safay. And I dare say you aren't the only one. For the same two hundred and some nights, your body was whole and again beside me, but only in dreams, and I woke up convinced that it was impossible that you would ever again be in my arms."

"Gods, I've been so selfish, haven't I..." Safay's face returned to his hands, then he bowed his head to run his fingers back into his hair. "Not thinking that you've been going through the same shit..."

"No, and that's not what I meant," Ravus said. "You thought I was fine, and glad to be rid of you. Why _would_ you spare a thought about my feelings, until now? No, Safay, I only say that yes, it's hard, and that I understand that it hurts. You and I, Safay... one day, hopefully soon, we'll realize that we're not living in fear of the 'what ifs' anymore. I won't have to live with not getting a chance to see you one last time, nor even getting the peace of knowing that your body was properly buried, or a grave to visit. You won't have to live with thinking there's anything about you that deserved being abandoned."

"We'll get there," Ravus promised. "But, Safay, this is only day one. Come back under the blanket with me."

"You stay bundled," Safay declined, and moved himself behind the steering wheel. "If I'm awake, I might as well be driving."

The soldier reached for the sparse keyring in his jacket pocket, and immediately dropped it on the seat beside him.

"You're only awake because of a nightmare," Ravus reminded him.

Safay grasped the for truck's key, and tried and failed twice to get it into the ignition. If he hadn't been aware that he needed it intact, Ravus was certain that Safay looked ready to tear the wheel made of metal and cast resin in half.

"You're still tired," Ravus told him. "You're exhausted, and we're both chilled and hungry, my gem. It's a lot to deal with, but we need to keep our heads about us. Come and sleep a bit longer."

"Ravus, none of that is going to change, if I can't get us to some level of civilization," Safay pointed out. "Even a damned gas station would have heat and junk food."

"Iced coffee and popsicles, no doubt," Ravus supposed.

Safay's movements stopped. "Everything strawberry. But all of it, artificial."

Ravus turned up his nose, and retaliated. "Cold, microwaved chicken."

"Ugh," Safay shuddered. "Dry pizza, with limp, soggy mushrooms."

"You are so disgusting!" Ravus almost shrieked, in melodramatic outrage. "I spent all those nights, pining for the man I wanted for my queen, and here, you have to remind me of how gross you can be!"

Safay's forehead softly thudded to the top of the steering wheel, and he broke into a fit of weary laughter. It made Ravus smile, just to see the soldier's tension ease.

"Really, my love, you've been having to go slowly on the roads, anyway, so what if I sidled closer, and we still kept warm, while you drive?"

"I've never had to try before," Safay answered, "but it sounds like a good idea."

"And I _can_ take over for a while, if your eyes get too heavy to keep open."

Safay looked over to him, and then down to the floorboards.

"Not with that literal lead foot, you won't," Safay remarked. "Half the reason for going slow is saving gas, remember?"

"Please," Ravus scoffed, "I think I've had this armor long enough to know how to compensate for its weight."

"Speaking of..." Safay trailed off. He made another go of getting the key into the ignition, just to keep from losing it. It went straight in, with his attention instead on Ravus' armor.

Safay unbuckled the leather strap that held the tall, ornate piece to Ravus' truncated left shoulder, and tossed it the short distance down to the Oracle's feet. Safay moved on to the matching straps that held the fitted metal encasements to Ravus' thighs, and the similar mythril wrappings around his calves, with their jointed plates at his knees. Ravus' feet were the last to be released from a good fifteen pounds of extra weight.

"I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner," Safay grumbled, mostly to himself, "but you'll have a much easier time staying warm, without having to heat up all this damn plate metal first."

"It worked well enough, when it was absorbing heat from the dashboard vents," Ravus noted, "but that was hours ago. What time is it, anyway?"

Safay reached for his phone and brought up its lock screen. His face remained passive, yet his eyes conveyed much as they looked to the sky through the windows. The sky was still as dark as when they'd landed among the trees. It had only just occurred to Safay that the sky never changed, in the hours of driving that had followed.

"It's supposed to be almost half past nine. In the morning."

"Oh, no," Ravus sighed.

"What?"

"The Lucians, in the Keep," Ravus explained, "who gave you the elixir? They were friends of Noctis'; part of his court, in fact. His adviser, and his shield. They were there, looking for Noctis. And he _had_ to have been there, for his father's sword to have been taken. Ardyn was still taunting him from the overhead, when we got out."

"Noctis is the the True King," Ravus said, "who can banish the starscourge and return the light. Only... the last of the light looks to have been extinguished, more quickly than expected. I wouldn't go so far as to say he's failed his mission, but I fear something's not as it should be."

"Well, guys from his court are gonna be from Insomnia, right? They have phones?" Safay asked. "Whenever we get to a room, I can charge mine, and you can try to get ahold of them, ask what they know."

"I've no idea what either of their numbers are," Ravus admitted. "And it's rather my fault that the Insomnia citadel's directory service isn't going to be of much help."

"Would Aranea know?"

"...That's possible," Ravus nodded. "If she doesn't, she'd be in a much better position than we, of finding out."

He gingerly slid himself closer to the seat's middle, as Safay started the engine. Safay took the blanket's closest edge, to wrap around his back and left shoulder, as Ravus made himself comfortable against Safay's right. Its occupants prepared for another long stretch of travel, the truck pulled away from the street lamp's light, and headed further south along the packed-earth road.

\---------------

"You've got to be fucking kidding me!"

Ravus pried his eyes open at the outburst. He could've sworn he'd only closed them through the span of a breath, but he'd clearly dozed off on Safay's shoulder. It was little wonder, he supposed, with the return of the engine's heat coming through the vents.

"Whass wrong?" Ravus slurred, as he tried to force himself back awake.

"Look at this shit!" Safay nearly roared.

When the Oracle turned to look through the windshield, the truck was already pulling off of the road and onto the snow-crusted pad of a fuel station. A crude operation, with one two-sided pump, hooked to a large storage tanker, but signs on the wooden shop boasted a small diner, and rental rates for a series of small log cabins that were anything but uniform, that stretched out and disappeared into the snowfall.

"Huh." Ravus pushed himself upright and stretched his back. "How long have we been driving?"

"Twenty. Godsdamned. Minutes." Safay's irritation was profound. Ravus understood, but it didn't prevent him from smiling in his amusement. "It can't be much more than that. If I'd just held out for another fucking half an hour last night--"

"We'd have drifted off of the road," Ravus reminded him. "You pushed yourself as far as you could, as it was."

"If it just could've been a little more," Safay argued, "you could've spent the night, warm in a bed."

"So, I'll spend the afternoon, then," Ravus shrugged. "And instead of huddled together beneath a blanket to keep from freezing, we can be huddled together beneath a blanket because we'd otherwise be naked."

Safay's eyes shifted over to him, suddenly absent of their righteous indignation, and quickly looked away. He sat still for a few seconds, almost as if he'd shut down. Ravus drew his brows together, as he studied the soldier. It didn't seem like being overcome with lust, at all. When Safay moved again, it was to unzip his thick leather jacket.

"Take your coat off," Safay instructed, as he shrugged out of his own.

"Safay, we can wait ten minutes, to get a cabin first."

The soldier shook his head, and tapped the back of his finger against the metal darts that lined the broad black stripe on Ravus' coat.

"Uniform," Safay said. "Get it off. We don't know if Ardyn's put out a notice for either of us yet, and it's best not to invite questions or start rumors that you're still alive. Use it to cover your armor. Wear mine."

"And what does that leave you?" Ravus protested.

"I can use the blanket," Safay assured him. "I won't die, in the time it takes to fill the tank and get inside."

"It's going to be far more dangerous, if you give yourself pneumonia," Ravus said, even as he complied and began a one-handed attempt to open his coat's many clasps. Safay helped him out, by undoing the three-way tangle of belts at his waist.

The Oracle's usual lack of an undershirt beneath his leather uniform made the bite of the cold temperature outside apparent, even within cab's warmer air. Ravus stopped halfway into the black jacket, to offer it back to his companion, but found Safay was already bunching up the blanket around his shoulders, like an oversized shawl or an unfinished poncho. Ravus sighed. At least the other man had his muscle shirt, however little it covered, as an additional layer.

Ravus managed to pull both front corners of the jacket together with one hand, and pulled the zipper up to his collarbone. Without his armor, he had to admit that the jacket went well with his black uniform pants, and made his outfit look deliberate. Safay's now looked much the same, he supposed, if of a far less polished and much more vagrant nature, with the old, faded blanket and half-shredded jeans. The thigh-high black boots and French braid starting to unravel might even allow the ensemble to pass for purposely bohemian. Ravus moved to open his door, but Safay's hand on his knee caught his attention.

"I'm gonna fuel up first," Safay told him. "Not really a two-person job. You stay here, where it's warm, 'til I'm done."

Ravus had no chance to protest, before Safay was already halfway out of his door. The soldier closed it quickly, to retain what heat that he could. For his wounded partner, at least. The combination of a tanktop and a blanket weren't as effective against Shiva's wintry curse as Safay had hoped. There was no sense in backing out of such a vital task over short-lived discomfort, though. Safay set the frigid nozzle to refilling the truck's gas tank, then turned with a start at the motion of a figure in a dark coat suddenly beside him.

"I realize I'm of no assistance," Ravus said, "but I can at least be out here with you, offering solidarity."

"If my hair weren't already gray," Safay grumbled, "I swear, you'd have given me a hundred new ones, just in the past twenty-four hours."

The two were quiet through the interminable few minutes it took for the tank to fill, and looked about the boomtown of an outpost. It had only a few light posts, powered by tall wind turbines, but the light that they cast was enough to secure a safe zone from daemons. There was little sound beyond the wind and snow. Somewhere, far into the trees, the footsteps of something enormous and heavy lumbered about. Whatever it was, it shouldn't want to come near the lights, but if it did, there were at least two warriors who could fight it off. Assuming, of course, that the monstrous beast in the distance didn't decide to attack before those warriors could get in a full rest.

Safay peered through the snowfall for a look at any other vehicles near the cabins. He could make out the shape of at least one other truck like his own among maybe three total vehicles, the others too far or blocked to see clearly, and that was a pretty good indication that more hunters were nearby. There might even be a remote chance that one would recognize Safay from other outposts.

The click as the nozzle turned itself off brought both out of their habitual vigil of their surroundings, and together, they headed for the outpost's shop and, Astrals willing, a blessed source of heat.

\---------------

The shop and diner were barely separated spaces inside, but those spaces were well-kept. Three people were scattered on the stools at the diner's counter, one worked behind it, and sounds coming from the pass-through indicated at least one more in the kitchen. A woman in a thick cardigan sat with her back to the side wall on the stool furthest from the door, and kept her hands warm around her cup of coffee.

"You're the ones buying gas?" she asked, as the front door closed behind Safay and Ravus.

She stood and motioned for them to follow her to the register on the other side of the modest building. Still with her cup in hand, she totaled the numbers from the pump, and gave a passing inspection to the gil Safay handed over.

"Cleigne, huh?" she noted. "What brings you guys all the way up here?"

Ravus felt his mind go blank for an answer. He couldn't exactly say that they were fleeing the Empire, and hadn't thought to prepare a cover. Safay, however, had gained more experience in such white lies, and took over.

"Family matters in Gralea," the soldier offered, and changed the subject. "Are the cabins for rent?"

"Mm-hmm," the woman confirmed, through a sip of her coffee as she put the cash away. "By the night or week. We're expecting more long-term hunters to trickle in over the next couple weeks, but we've got six open right now. You interested in one?"

"Yeah," Safay nodded. "At least one night, maybe two. Is the cabin furthest out open?"

"Sure is, hon." The woman's eyebrow raised just enough to be noticed. "You looking for two beds, or one? That last cabin's got one double."

"Sounds ideal," Ravus said. "Hot water?"

"Yep," she confirmed. "Tankless heaters, hooked to the turbines. No trouble with keeping the water hot, but the supply can be a little limited. We have a big rain collector to catch and melt the snow; a front-loader to plow and dump in more, when it gets low. Haven't run out yet, but you know, it's just not an unlimited supply from city pipes."

"Good enough," Safay pronounced. "Do your supplies include clothes?"

"We're no Altissia boutique," she laughed, "but we have a little bit of Nif army surplus. Gotta have something better for you than that, hon. What in the world happened to your coat, if you just came from Gralea?"

"I really shouldn't be allowed near liquor," Safay said, his voice low and his face deadpan.

"Oof," the woman sympathized. "Been there."

"What kind of food do you have that's ready?" Safay asked. "Or that there's a lot of?"

"Eggs and pancakes don't take long," the woman answered. "Should still have a few biscuits. There should be stew enough to last through lunch and dinner, but Tobias is only just starting on it."

Both men followed her back across to the diner counter. The woman reclaimed her seat by the wall, while Ravus and Safay settled themselves in the middle, with an empty space between them and the cashier, and another patron closer to the door. Safay sat to Ravus' left, to cover his more vulnerable side.

For long minutes, the soldier and the Oracle quietly listened to the woman and the man handling the counter talk back and forth, as hot food warmed them both from the inside out. The syrup was real, from trees south of Tenebrae, and sliced strawberries served as a small garnish for the pankcake stacks. Canned, but decidedly not artificial. It was better than Ravus could've hoped for, considering their circumstances. He shuddered to think of the spectacle he might've made of himself, if he'd had more energy, upon learning hot tea was an option alongside the dominant scent of coffee. As his own body reveled in the small yet profound comforts, Safay leaned closer.

"Are you feeling any better?" Safay asked.

"Much," Ravus smiled back at him. "Now, I suspect the biggest challenge is going to be refraining from falling asleep on my feet, before I can reach the bed."

"Don't worry," Safay assured him, "I can carry you, if I have to."

Ravus kept his smile, even as he allowed the hand that had just grabbed for a biscuit to fall to the counter in exasperation.

"My love," he said, his voice kept cautiously low, "you are my partner; not my servant."

Safay nodded and forced a small smile before his attention turned to pushing a piece of pancake through a spill of egg yolk. Ravus sighed, and nudged the soldier with his barren left shoulder.

"Eat," Ravus instructed. "You're stressed and tired, and you need your strength as much as I. I don't care if your appetite's deserted you. You're blaming yourself for things I can't fathom, and I'll not have you sabotaging your own health over them."

Safay glanced over to him with a searching doubt in his eyes, then looked back to his plate.

"You did always did care about my health more than I do," Safay remarked. Ravus' brows knit in confusion, but the soldier did return to his meal.

"Yes, well," Ravus said, around half a mouthful of quickbread, "we shall work on that again. You were doing so well, before..."

From her seat at the corner of the counter and wall, the young woman looked at the two of them quizzically. The words had been too quiet to make out, but changes in demeanor of the one in the blanket were hard to miss.

"Is he alright?" she finally asked.

"No," Ravus answered, honestly. "We've had to... sever ties, in Gralea. We won't ever be going back. It's been a rather taxing ordeal, as I'm sure can understand."

"I'm so sorry," she said. The woman paused, but her curiosity got the better of her. "Because you two are...?"

"Because we'd rather be together than be obedient," Ravus finished for her. It was stunning to him, that it wasn't a lie.

"Gods, that's rough," the woman said, with a wince. "How about you guys call the desk when you need housekeeping? You won't have anyone knocking, unannounced, that way; give you more privacy."

"That would be greatly appreciated, thank you," Ravus nodded, "Miss...?"

"Oh, Grachel," she supplied. "This is Ian, and Tobias is in the kitchen."

"Sefa," Safay spoke up, before Ravus could give a wrong or real name. "And this is... Grey."

"Sefa?" Grachel repeated. "Meldacio Outpost Sefa?"

"I _have_ a reputation to precede me?" Safay wondered aloud.

"We're hunters, catering to our own, hon," Grachel said. "Word travels between outposts."

"Don't want your boy to take this is the wrong way," Ian said, "but you're a lot prettier than the stories of field dressing behemoths makes you sound. Being six-feet-fuck-off tall was true, though, I see."

"Guess we've got nothing to worry about from the woods for the next couple of days," Grachel said. "We've already got three other hunters booked, and now Sefa the Fearless? Shit. Are you a hunter, too, Grey?"

"I'm afraid I'm mostly moral support for Sefa," Ravus said, "until I learn how to work around a rather bothersome handicap."

"He could use it," Ian commented absently, as he took up empty dishes from the other diners, took them to the pass-through, and missed the shock and offense on the face of the very hunter he was speaking of. "I keep hearing something's had him torn up pretty bad, since he first got there."

" _I'm right here_ ," Safay reminded him, in a voice that boomed within the modest structure.

"Ian, damn it," Grachel chided, "Grey just told you, they just had it out with their families."

"S-sorry," Ian said sheepishly, with the good sense to be afraid of the vivid sea green eyes staring him down. "Not used to actually hosting somebody well-known in our circles."

Safay lowered his head to finish his food and hide as much of the heat that he felt in his cheeks as he could.

"Are you almost through, my gem?" Ravus asked quietly, in want to give his partner an out from the public scrutiny, and perhaps to prevent a murder.

"Yeah, just about," Safay nodded.

"Let me get you the last cabin's key," Grachel offered, and rose from her seat. "We'll square up, when you're ready to leave."

\---------------

The return into the snowfall wasn't as nearly as distasteful as having slept in it, with warmed skin and stomachs insulated with a hot meal. After moving the truck closer to the last cabin in the row, the biggest lingering problem was the incessant wind, as Safay pulled a canvas cover over the long bed of the truck, to keep it from filling any further with snow, and as Ravus fit his pieces of armor and severed limb on the cab's floor into one another, to make them easier to wrap up in his uniform coat and haul inside.

Having only one hand to gather the coat and contents, and lift them proved to be trickier than Ravus expected. Four failed attempts, one almost resulting in an unignorable cacophony of armor spilling to the ground, and he reluctantly opted to wait for Safay's assistance. It was nothing but a small favor, in the grand scheme of things, but it nevertheless forced the prince to consider some uncomfortable possibilities.

After being burned by the Ring of the Lucii, Ravus had regained consciousness with a new magitek arm. Although controlling a somehow living prosthetic limb that was very much alien to his body took practice and persistence, he hadn't been conscious through any period of having no use at all of his left arm. If he had, it likely would've been much like being hampered by a sling, but with the knowledge that the sling would be removed and his arm would be usable again. That his arm would be there.

The attack in the Keep was an entirely different matter. His arm, whether it was of his own flesh or not, was gone. It was lying inside of a coat that Ravus wasn't wearing. And nothing Ravus could do, on his own, was going to fix it.

If Gladiolus was right, that the mechanics at this Hammerhead place could reattach it, make it functional again... Magitek was always going to carry the taint of Niflheim. His arm was always going to be a symbol of being rejected by the Kings of Old, of somehow being unworthy to them of protecting his sister and ultimately offering himself in sacrifice to save the world. Was that really a history that Ravus wanted to reattach to himself?

He'd thought about it frequently over the past night, in between bouts of brief, restless sleep. It had been easy not to panic over the loss of the limb, when he was well aware that it wasn't a true part of himself. Ardyn, more or less, had only been taking away what Niflheim had given him, to begin with. A trial to deal with now? Certainly. But not a shock.

The sheer inconvenience of it was going to be ripest slice of hell. He was a man with things to do, after all. An Oracle who had to heal the world's people. A warrior who had to defend them, until the light returned to the world. A king who had to reclaim his own homeland, and fell the enemies that dared take it from him.

Could he do all of that, with only his right arm? Having both again would undoubtedly be easier, but was ease alone worth the pain of such a macabre memento following him, wherever he went? Would a magitek limb even be able to heal? Would it interfere with Ravus being able to heal at all? His arm had already been cut from him, when he spoke with Shiva.

The sound of boots landing in the snow, at the end of the truck's bed brought more intimate and immediate problems to mind. Did Ravus want that vessel of tainted magic, a device created by another man's hands, touching his lover's skin? Touching his breasts, or between his legs? Would Safay want it? And on the other side of that coin, would Safay be able to accept Ravus as less than he used to be?

The soldier had a purpose outside of the army now. A valuable one, both to himself and to whole communities. Hunting kept Safay sane and alive, and there was no reason on Eos for him to stop. Would a one-armed partner ever be of any assistance, or be little more than a constant, vulnerable worry in the back of a hunter's mind?

It concerned Ravus most, that Safay would find his amputation repulsive. He'd been a whole man, when Safay saw him last, and in the months they'd been apart, Ravus had managed to lose his arm twice. He'd believed that Safay was dead, and had never had to consider his lover's views on disfigurement before. Now, it was going to be not only an elephant in the room, but one wailing at its fullest volume. And Safay was trying to avoid looking at Ravus; he acted uncertain about touching him, unaroused by the prospect of sex together, after the miracle of being together again, at all.

Ruefully, Ravus noted that in a world now swamped in darkness, it might be possible to compromise by only making love with the lights out. Even then, there would be the embraces only half returned. The two-handed holds and maneuvering that he could no longer accomplish. Dressing himself. Possibly bathing. At least, until he'd had time to practice them. There wasn't any way that his injury wasn't going to be front and center in their relationship. And if his lover couldn't bear him this way...

"Something wrong?" Safay soon asked from beside him.

"I can't get a good grip on the parcel," Ravus admitted. "My gem, would you be so kind...?"

"Yeah, it's fine. Here." Safay passed him the key to open the cabin's door, as the soldier leaned into the truck's cab for a much easier grasp of the bundle of leather and metal.

Inside of the cabin, Safay walked ahead to set the awkward cargo in an unobtrusive spot on the far side of a wood stove. Ravus closed the door on the cold without, and immediately set to make use of the privacy provided by the cabin's thick log walls.

"Safay, my apologies, if my orders were demeaning."

"What orders?" the soldier asked, as he set about stuffing the stove with wood.

"At the counter. Ordering you to eat."

"Oh," Safay dismissed. "It wasn't. That was hardly 'ordering' me. You were right. It was best. Look away."

Ravus didn't hesitate to comply, and turned his gaze to the far wall as Safay used a low-powered flare spell to light the stove. The prince closed his eyes through a slow breath. So much time apart, all the while having every reason to believe he'd been betrayed, and the soldier's first thought was to protect Ravus from having a flashback.

Perhaps the situation wasn't as dire as Ravus feared. It still didn't explain away Safay's obviously cagey behavior around him, however. Well, the entirety of Eos would have to wait its turn; Ravus had to find a way to make this relationship work again, before he could face anything else in front of him.

When he looked back, Safay had dropped the blanket to the floor and was in the midst of wearily pulling off his tanktop.

"I'll be as glad to see you asleep in a soft bed, as I'll feel to be in it, myself," Ravus said.

Safay briefly looked his way, then shook his head. "Go ahead and get in, if you want to. The stove should have a little place like this warm soon. I've gotta shower first. I can't get into a clean bed like this."

"As tired as you are?" Ravus challenged gently.

"Yes, as tired as I am," Safay said. "I haven't... I just have to."

"If it would make you feel better," Ravus offered, "we could shower together."

Safay's face paled. "N-no, I don't think that's such a good idea. Not right now."

"Why not?" Ravus asked. "It'll give the stove time to warm the bed, it'll conserve water, and it'll go faster with someone to help you with all that hair."

"I said 'no'," Safay refused, his voice barely more than a whisper.

"As you wish," Ravus relinquished, "but, please tell me why?"

Safay could only lower his eyes and swallow a sudden lump in his throat.

"Why will you not speak your mind?" Ravus asked. "That's never before been difficult for you, in my presence."

Safay kept still and silent, and soaked in every sound from Ravus' lips. He'd never known the young prince before the maturity had settled into his voice. Ravus had always strove to be gentle with Safay, his voice no exception, but there was a marked difference to it now. If Ravus' voice had been a clear, sun-warmed sea, then there had been a floor of spikes, jagged rocks, and sharp coral beneath the enveloping calm. Intense anger. Anxiety. Dread. Paranoia. So many things that Ravus couldn't cut from his life; so many things that he tried so hard to keep from coming anywhere near his partner. All of that underlying sharpness was gone from Ravus' voice. It made his every word all the more honeyed and soothing to hear, and in a very inconvenient way, it made Safay's thoughts all the foggier.

"You mean more than the world to me," Safay answered quietly. "I-I don't want to hurt you."

"Then, spare my heart," Ravus said. "If you'd inflict a wound, let it be quick, Safay. It will heal faster."

Safay lifted his gaze to face him, to meet the worry in his mismatched eyes, and drew a steadying breath.

"It's wrong that I like it," the soldier blurted out.

Ravus could virtually hear the thud of the weight Safay had been carrying, as it fell from his shoulders and crumbled to ethereal dust on the floor. That didn't mean that Ravus was any clearer on what that weight had been, in the first place. He could merely blink in response.

"Alright," he ventured, the desire to encourage his partner still strong, "and... what is it that's so unspeakable for you to be enjoying?"

"Not unspeakable," Safay corrected, "unfair. To you."

"My gem, I'm still waiting for this wound that you're so fearing."

"You're different, Ravus," Safay tried again, his own voice louder from stress. "Your face. Your cheeks are so much thinner. I never would've thought it would make such a difference. I swear to Shiva, when I kicked you in the truck, I did not recognize you. One of your eyes is purple. How does that happen?! Your hair's not blond anymore. It's white. In less than a year, it's _white?!_ And your arm--"

Safay held his hands over his mouth, in clear regret of mentioning the one thing Ravus couldn't possibly reverse.

"Much has changed, yes," Ravus agreed. "Not by choice, I assure you, but I don't see these changes reverting, any time soon, Safay."

"Ravus," Safay breathed out, _"what happened?"_

"The Ring of the Lucii happened," Ravus said. "In essence, I gambled on being able to take on Luna's duty and fate as my own. I lost. Although, not as gravely as I could have. I still live."

"But truth," he continued, "all you see that is wrong to your eyes, is the result of that wager."

"It's _not_  'wrong to my eyes'," Safay said. " _That's_ what's wrong."

"Breath of my soul, I still don't follow you."

"How am I supposed to tell you, Ravus?" Safay asked in exasperation. "There had to be pain, when you lost your arm."

"Rather a lot, yes."

"Right. You suffered. You're almost this total stranger outside, because you suffered. How evil am I to say that you look good this way, and leave you hearing 'damn, it sure is great how all that agony made you even hotter!'...? How am I supposed to say how beautiful this stranger is, without betraying the man I last saw in Gralea? How can you hear that, and not be hurt that I'd abandon the Ravus you were, that easily? The Ravus who gave me ten years of his life, and asked nothing in return but the love and loyalty that I saved for him, all this time, and just threw out the fucking window?"

Ravus, once more, could do little more than blink.

"For the love of the Six, Safay, _abandon him_."

The soldier stared back at Ravus, with wide green eyes.

"Safay... Perhaps the weight taken from me by the magitek will return as I age. Perhaps not. But that one factor aside, the Ravus you left--the Ravus whom you believed left _you_ \--is never coming back. Mourn his face, if it will bring you peace, but know that I can no sooner be that man again, than I can turn back time. It was he who caused you the greatest pain of your life, and that is no small feat. Leave him in the past, and move on, however you must. The memories and knowledge of the man who loved you, who loves you still, his heart and soul, are alive, are unchanged, and are right here, before you; still yours for the taking, and no other's."

"You're not hurt?" Safay asked. "Not even offended?"

"I'm enormously relieved, to be honest," Ravus said, unable to keep a soft chuckle out of his voice as he slowly stepped closer. "Of all about me that's changed, you weren't there to see it, nor for any of it to be explained. You were the consummate professional, to rescue first and ask questions later. But, my gem, if you were to now look at me and see a man you couldn't love as before... well, I don't know how I'd carry on without you. Even if you vowed to stay by my side, as only my shield, it would be torture to know I'd lost your heart."

"But instead," Ravus said, his lips only far enough away from the soldier's to speak without them touching, "you tell me that the man I am now is not only still attractive to my most faithful friend, but your preference? How could I be anything but elated?"

Safay leaned toward him, to rest their foreheads together. The simple touch dispelled Ravus' every fear over Safay's distance. "It still feels awful, Ravus. Like being at his funeral, and knowing I should be setting off to wreak terrible vengeance on everyone responsible, yet his secret brother just showed up, and this brother's everything I loved about him and alive, and he was so pretty but his brother is just... _holy shit_ , you know?"

Ravus failed to contain a burst of soft laughter. It ended with a quick, unintended snort as he breathed in. Ravus tried to cover it with clearing his throat. Just as he always had. So close before him, Safay's eyes were wide with revelation.

"Your nose is the same," Safay whispered.

"Apparently," Ravus conceded, with a rueful grin.

"And those..." Safay raised his hands to lightly cup Ravus' jaw from both sides, and moved the pads of his thumbs to gently brush over the slight rises in the skin at the corners of Ravus' mouth. The two shallow bumps were likely the only pockets of fat left on Ravus' entire body, that the magitek hadn't burned through for fuel.

"Thank the gods for small favors," Safay thought aloud.

"Hmm?" Ravus questioned. His response was each bump receiving its own long, adoring kiss.

"And your constellation," Safay remarked, as his lips moved on to kiss the darkest four freckles on Ravus' forehead, cheeks, and chin. A growl of appreciation left Ravus' throat.

"Permission granted, to search out every freckle I have," he purred. "I'm sure you'll find everything in order, just as you left them, General."

Safay pulled back just enough to face Ravus with bright eyes.

"...And your veins?" the soldier whispered excitedly, as his fingers slid down either side of Ravus' groin. "They'd still be the same, too, wouldn't they?"

"Inspect them thoroughly," Ravus ordered. "I beg of you."

"In the shower?" Safay invited, with an apologetic smile. "With me?"

"I don't mind, if we do," Ravus agreed.

\---------------

Amenities in the shower were few, but the shower itself was large enough for two. The outpost had been erected, expecting long-term tenants, and that fact was reflected in the presence of soap bars and towels, but the absence of shampoo. The hunters who were going to be trickling in, as Grachel has put it, would be well packed for their stays, and not literally dropping out of the sky unprepared, as Safay and Ravus had.

It was a safe assumption that the shop sold most of the missing toiletries, but neither of them was in any mood to leave the warm cabin, nor the bathroom rapidly filling with steam. They'd ask about toothpaste and mouthwash, but tomorrow. Tonight, there was little that the soap couldn't handle, and nothing it would ruin, in two days' time.

Ravus unraveled and combed his fingers through Safay's thick braid, before it got wet and the locks could cling to each other. One small, dried leaf and several tiny bits of twig fell out of the loose tangle. Ravus opted not to mention them. There was a lack of dried mud and the red-brown staining of old blood. He wasn't sure how much that was due to washing without unbraiding, or merely because of rain. It didn't matter, he supposed. Safay's lack of care for himself had stemmed from hopelessness, when they'd first been introduced, and it had come back with hopelessness. The worst of that was now over, and the soldier would again find his better habits, with the return of his reason for looking for them. It sometimes worried Ravus, to have so much influence and unspoken authority over someone he saw and loved as an equal, but now, it might be a small way that he could save Safay in return.

The soap lathered up well, and Safay rubbed it into his scalp. Ravus' assistance was working the sliding foam through the fall of Safay's calf-length hair. He'd done it countless times over their ten years together, and found he'd missed it, greatly. Safay's hair was a raincloud gray with which the prince had always been fascinated, on someone so young. He'd have to find some way to convince the soldier to leave it down when it dried, if only for a little while, just to have the pleasure of stroking his fingers through it.

True to Ravus' word, the task went quickly with an extra hand. Safay collected a good deal of the lather in his hands again, and turned to face his partner. The blond like sun-faded wood that Safay had always known had somehow become a stark, almost pure white in the past months. To call it different was an understatement, but all the same, it wasn't unwelcome. It would make him less recognizable in public, and moreover, it suited the changes to his face well. The pale blue of his right eye was so much more vibrant against the white; the violet of his left, simply rich and entrancing.

Ravus accepted the moment of being spoiled, as Safay washed his hair. The prince closed his eyes, and leaned in to press an appreciative kiss to Safay's lips. The soldier's hands slid down the sides of Ravus' neck, slippery foam trailing along with his fingertips. They pulled back from each other when a thick streak of lather dripped down the bridge of Ravus' nose and lent the kiss a decidedly unromantic flavor. They circled positions for Ravus to rinse his hair, and unintentionally, for Safay to stare at his torso.

Ravus' amputated shoulder still bore the almost black color of the magitek--a deep, violent purple that reminded one of a blood bruise--and its ravages into the blood vessels surrounding the joint were impossible to miss, through Ravus' light skin. The magitek was, however, exceedingly easy to outshine. Ravus was a pale man who would likely never be tan a day in his life, but the heat of the water had his heart pumping and his blood coursing through his veins and skin, temporarily giving him a robustly healthy pink color that was the glorious antithesis of the deathly pallor Safay had found on the Keep's floor. Ravus was no zombie, no reanimated corpse; he was alive, and his skin was proudly flaunting that fact before his lover. It made Safay want to drag his tongue over ever heated inch, whether it was presently glazed with soap, or not.

Even more than the good tidings of Ravus' complexion, Safay found himself enthralled with the full and massive rounds of muscle that had made themselves to home on the Oracle's chest. Ravus had never been a weakling in his training, he'd built a strong chest with his sword, but Astrals above, where had these things come from!? Thin stretch marks were little more than fleeting glimpses in the water that hid them well, but they led Safay to believe that Ravus' pectorals were a fairly rapid development, and likely related to his magitek arm.

Safay held his hands to Ravus' shoulders and stepped closer to the prince's body. Their similar heights allowed the soldier to rub his own firm breasts and pierced, hardened nipples against those of the First Son of Tenebrae, to press them tightly together, and nothing else on Eos could have felt more erotic. Safay was almost immediately proven wrong, as Ravus lolled his head back to groan in pleasure, the hot rainfall from the shower head pattered directly down on their joined chests, and Safay felt a subtle but intense fluttering beneath his stomach. In the shower full of steam, Safay briefly feared that he'd pass out from lightheadedness, after the unexpected orgasm.

Ravus, it seemed, hadn't forgotten that look on his lover's face. With the soap rinsed away, he kissed Safay with an open mouth. The base of a hardness hotter than the water pressed against Safay's labia, a strong hand gripped the left side of his ass, and Ravus steadily stroked his erection between Safay's thighs. The soldier brushed his nipples side to side over the Oracle's, and Ravus' grip on his ass tightened. The prince hadn't honestly expected to last long, and thick drops that fell slower than the water ran down the soldier's legs.

An attempt was made to return to bathing one another, although it would have looked much more like exploratory groping to anyone else who might've seen it. In the span of what would've been a luxuriously long shower for one, the pair of them stepped out and managed to dry each other off, without separating their mouths.

"Leave you hair down," Ravus soon murmured, before Safay had made any move to do otherwise. "Gods, I want so much just to see you, exactly as you are."

"Are you going to be the one who brushes it all out, when I wake up?" Safay teased.

"Mm-hmm," Ravus promised, pressing in for another kiss.

Ravus put his arm around Safay's back, and lifted the soldier almost enough to carry him over his shoulder. The few steps from bathroom to bedroom were crossed, and Ravus playfully threw his lover onto the bed. Being able to manage such a casual fling of a body equal to his own weight, and with only one arm, was a new development that made Safay tingle in the pit of his stomach. Ravus put a knee on the bed's edge, as Safay positioned himself for his head to reach the pillows, and managed to prowl over the soldier's body. The care and muscle it required with just one support to brace himself made Ravus' rounded chest and lean stomach flex and tense, and made Safay unconsciously rub his thighs together as he watched.

The Oracle reached down to their feet, to pull the thick down quilt up to his waist. Safay spread his legs to allow Ravus to lie down atop of him. The cabin had warmed wonderfully, the mattress was still new and firm, and Ravus kissed the parted lips of his mate who eagerly wrapped long and desperately missed legs around his hips. Ravus' kiss traveled to the corner of Safay's mouth, to his jaw, and settled on his neck.

"Gods, yes, Ravus," Safay panted, as his partner groaned happily at the taste of his fresh skin and the intimate familiarity of Safay's scent. Safay loosed a deep giggle in response to a careful, teasing bite. "Mm, Highness, I've missed you so much."

Safay was answered with a slow, warm breath against his neck.

"Ravus?" he called softly. "Ravus Nox Fleuret, did you just fucking fall asleep?"

He took a deep, content sigh as a 'yes'.

Safay's first thought was to push him out of the bed, but only for the amusement of the mental image. He instead rolled the both of them to his right, where Ravus would still have free use of his arm. Safay slipped his left leg to hook around Ravus', and pulled the quilt up to cover their shoulders. In the stove's dim light, Safay watched the prince's face, for the moment a perfect picture of comfort and peace.

"And to think, you were the one riding _my_ ass over how exhausted I am," Safay noted through a smile. "You are in so much trouble, when you wake up."

The soldier snuggled himself closer to Ravus' chest, with the top of his head fitted neatly under the Oracle's chin. The adjustment moved Ravus' head slightly against the pillow. Just enough, that Ravus' slow, unconscious breaths turned into a low, droning snore.

Safay's eyes opened at the sound. He felt a tear race over the bridge of his nose and down his cheek. His left arm slipped beneath Ravus', and the soldier held onto his prince for dear life.

For the first time in nearly a year, Safay knew he'd be able to sleep deeply, to the sound of the unlikely lullaby he'd been needing so badly to hear again.

\---------------


End file.
